Visiting China ?

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Your Arrival at the Airport

The first thing you notice on entering the airport will be the military efficiency of everything. The staff are polite, quiet, very efficient and actually look as if they are being paid to smile. A perfectly turned out uniformed airport officer will guide you in the correct direction through the immaculate terminal building.

Now you need all your documentation present and correct. If you haven't prepared this before landing, you now need to fill in the given forms for customs and immigration before entering the multi-queue area bounded on the exit side by a thick yellow line on the floor. The uniformed officials sitting in their cubicles waving visitors forward one-by-one are your immigration officers, (even if these guys were paid to smile, it is highly unlikely that they are capable of performing such a human expression). These unfriendly officers are super-efficient, and miss NOTHING. An incorrect document, an expired visa, or a vague passport photo are all noticed and will receive the same intense investigation as a pubic hair discovered in their granny's soup. These immigration officials take their duties very seriously, and if you ask my advice it would be to stand to attention and present your correct documentation without eye contact, without leaning on their booth, without trying to be friendly – just act like a robot and give the officer what he needs.

By the time you've got through immigration your luggage should be getting dizzy on the carousel. But before you make a quick exit into the sea of oriental faces waiting the other side of customs-control, think – do you need to use the toilets? They may not be the best toilets you have ever used, but believe me, they get much worse and I recommend that you take advantage of these facilities before you begin any onward journey. I'm warning you, do it now, or live to regret not doing it.

Now, get some Chinese Yuan currency. Generally you can't get CNY from your home bank before you fly, so now you must find an ATM in the airport and withdraw what you need. USDollars are recognised, but let's face it, you're going to get ripped off if you try using them; just pull out your plastic and get a pocketful of local currency. If one Chinese ATM doesn't work for you, try another because some Chinese banks do not recognise all foreign credit/debit cards. (And I must just advise you, or rather warn you, to tell your credit card provider that you are going to China . I had some of my credit cards blocked because my thoughtful card provider decided my cards had been stolen. I could have been completely stuck, penniless and destitute because of the assumption of some tight-laced self-righteous little pen-pusher in Creditcardland. I'm sure he meant well, but it messed up a whole day for me.)

By the time you have stepped out of the airport you will have realised you're not in Kansas anymore. China is a whole new world – different language; different writing system; different culture; different ways of doing just about everything. If you are not prepared for this, prepare to be disappointed by how very limited you will be.

 

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Taxis

As with many countries in the world, the humble taxi driver is not the most highly educated person you will ever meet; there are of course notable exceptions, but these are as rare as a real Rolex in China. Often these Chinese men and women do not come from the city where they are working, so they often need your help to find the place you wish to go to. And unless you are going to a well-known location such as a famous hotel, or popular shopping district, you can very easily find yourself lost, lost, lost, and your taxi driver demanding the fare and that you get out of his car.

You can prepare yourself for a taxi journey:

You will use taxis a lot during your stay in China , so you should be aware of a few things, (forewarned is forearmed):

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Hotels

Checking in to a Big hotel should not offer any difficulties. The bell-hops usually greet you with a bright and enthusiastic ‘Hello', (though this may the sum total of their English), and the receptionist will generally have a reasonable grasp of conversation English. However if you have a problem which involves a non-routine check-in, (there is no record of your booking; they are over-booked; you need to inform them of food allergies; you need a non-smoking room/floor; you have lost luggage; etc, etc, etc.), the receptionist's linguistic skills may crash like an overburdened computer, leaving you with only a blank face to look at. The same applies if you find yourself in a totally unacceptable room. I can't emphasise it enough, without a phone-interpreter to speak for you, you really are unprepared and could easily ruin your visit for about the same price as a coffee-break.

The very first thing you do when you arrive at your hotel is to GRAB AS MANY HOTEL BUSINESS CARDS AS YOU CAN STUFF INTO YOUR POCKETS. These are your lifeline; without these little pieces of card you may NEVER see your hotel again – don't leave your hotel without double-checking that you have a couple of these cards in your pockets. To get home again all you need to do now is jump in a taxi and give the driver a card. Easy-peasy.

There are thousands of hotels in China . You have a wide choice of quality in every city, (and I've sampled most of these).
Naturally you have the swanky Hyatt, Shangri-La types, the more affordable Hilton, and Holiday Inn types, and then you have the Chinese hotels aimed at Chinese people, and in this sub-category the quality can range from Excellent, to ‘Get Me Out of Here'.

 

Beds

It is ironic that China manufactures some of the highest quality mattresses and upholstery in the world. Despite this availability of comfortable mattresses and soft furnishings, not until you sit on that economy airplane seat on your way home again will you have something soft to rest your Western ass upon.

In my work in China I have inspected, (among others), the second biggest mattress manufacturer in the world. They have a special section devoted to the Chinese mattress market which produces what can most easily be described as large pieces of burnt toast.

You can usually request mattress toppers to be fitted to your bed – although, having had this done for me, I recommend that you request TWO mattress toppers be fitted; or request about twenty extra pillows and try sleeping on that.

 

Breakfast

In all the major Western-type hotels, breakfast is, as you'd expect, a buffet. (The only exception to this which I have experienced was when I was staying at the Shangri-La Hotel during the height of the SARS scare, and the hotel guests were outnumbered by staff 50:1. This resulted in about a ton of the finest food being presented for the breakfast buffet to feed almost ten guests, for about two weeks. An amazing waste of resources which ultimately resulted in a mandatory a la carte breakfast.)

And what is that stuff they like for breakfast? I think it is like starch jelly which they make from boiling the buggeration out of rice; it's like swallowing your own organs. I'll try anything – ONCE.

 

Room Entertainment

Televisions and Internet connection are standard in almost all rooms of all above-mediocre hotels.

Whether you can receive a TV channel that entertains you is a completely different matter. Big swanky Western-style hotels, no problem, but the smaller hotels may only receive Chinese stations, which I can assure you are about as entertaining to a Westerner as having a thousand screaming infants in your room.

You may be lucky enough to receive something approaching civilisation such as CNN or BBC, however if either of these renowned impartial television station should broadcast any news or articles that might include China, expect your screen to go blank.

The same careful monitoring and censoring applies to Internet Search Engines. Try and search for a subject which is sensitive to the Chinese powers that be, and you will again draw a blank. Subjects not to bother researching on the internet in China include: objective views about Tibet; objective views about Taiwan; anything to do with a certain incident at Tiananmen Square in 1989; anything mentioning the peace-protests of an organisation whose name sounds like ‘fallen gown'; anything to do with gay or lesbian information, and; porn, (or at least, this is what I'm told).

You may even have a radio in your room. These generally broadcast three types of entertainment: talk radio, (which just sounds like Bell & Ben the Flowerpot Men on speed); Western Pop music, occasionally interrupted by funny staccato adverts, and; Chinese Opera, (oh, please tell me that's not the sound of a live cat being skinned).

 

KTV

What's KTV? Stay in a hotel which advertises KTV and you'll know all about it. KTV is huge in China, they love it – you know it better as Karaoke – I know it better as a bunch of semi-sober tone-deaf show-offs accompanying perfectly good music with ear-splitting screams and howls; honestly, give a Chinese man a microphone and you've got yourself a 200decibel aural paint-stripper; sounds like they're giving birth to a small car.

If you are bothered by KTV in your hotel, ask to be moved before the weekend. The weekend is busier and even noisier – you MUST move as far away from the KTV lounge before the weekend. If you have trouble explaining this to the hotel staff, phone your interpreter and have them do it for you; don't think it will be okay, IT WON'T BE.

Swimming Pools

These are relatively new to the Chinese. There are one or two public swimming pools in the cities, but they fall far short of any Western standards, (can I just say at this point, in my own personal experience having once been desperate enough to cool down, if you are adventurous enough to use a public swimming pool, take your own flip-flops – the level of spit-slime on the locker-room floor can be ankle-deep. Never again, never again).

More likely than venturing to a public swimming pool, you may be tempted to use the hotel pool. There are two basic types: the swimming pool for swimming in, and; the swimming pool for not swimming in. Swimming pools look great in the brochures, but many are purely decorative, are hardly ever cleaned, and simply act to dissolve the traffic pollution and construction dirt that floats through the atmosphere – if in doubt, just don't. The other type of hotel swimming pool is quite funny. I took an afternoon off work and decided to try the hotel pool which a friendly German expat had recommended to me. I was given flip-flops, a robe, swimwear, and escorted to the locker-room to change. Changed and ready for a dip, I followed the sound of lapping water to the pool, de-robed and threw myself in. Swimming casually up and down I noticed a member of pool staff wearing a shop-coat, walking up and down the length of the pool following me – this was my personal lifeguard.

My only advice regarding Chinese swimming pools is to be aware of the fact that the standards are not Western standards, and this may apply not just to the locker-room, but also the water quality and the chemicals used to keep the water hygienic; oh, and wear rubber boots if it is a public swimming pool.

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Toilets

Speaking from a male perspective, the toilets in China are typically horrific.

Generally speaking, if you need to find a toilet in China , use your nose. They stink like the bowels of Hell. Rubber boots, (although it is unlikely you will be carrying these), are advisable, (in fact in any European country a fully-sealed chemical suit and gas mask would be mandatory, although this would of course make the act of ‘going to the toilet' impossible.)

Being a healthy individual I have always managed to schedule my necessity to ‘dump', (for want of a better word), until I had the facility, privacy and cleanliness of my own hotel bathroom – and for this, dear Lord, I am eternally grateful. So my experience in Chinese toilets has been restricted to the act of ‘making water' and washing hands.

Here is what you should prepare yourself for:

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Taking Children to China

This is an experience they will never forget. Even my [at the time] three-year-old son remains traumatised two years after the event. I think the issue with my young son was his fair hair, (and he was kind of cuddly, like Winnie the Pooh). He was shouted ‘hello' at, touched, hugged, his hair was pulled, he was photographed more times than crime scene, he was given gifts and generally pestered for the entire visit.

My teenage son and daughter were not so bothered, although my daughter's creamy complexion and wavy hair were a subject of great interest from the Chinese who would edge their way closer and closer to get a better look.

Make wise preparations when moving about China with kids:

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Shopping

I hope you took the effort to engage a phone-interpreter to speak for you? If not, prepare yourself for a rather disappointing shopping experience. You will easily save many times the cost of a phone-interpreter when you use this service for your shopping sprees. Not only can a good phone-interpreter help you communicate what you're looking for, colours, styles, etc. but they can also help advise on international dress-sizes, and shoe-sizes, as well as offering you the current exchange rates so you can calculate value.

At the very least get yourself a pocket calculator, and when you want to know how much something costs just point at the item and hand them the calculator – they will enter the price, and you can then look shocked, shake your head and offer a price on the calculator which you feel is reasonable. This can go on a bit, but it saves any confusion translating numbers.

And remember that as a Westerner you are liable to be over-charged – BIG TIME. If you are offered a price expect it to be a special price they keep for people with SUCKER written all over them, (that includes you and me). A useful tip is to simply phone your interpreter and ask them what is a reasonable price for whatever it is you are trying to buy – it is common to be offered something for sale in the markets for about 500CNY, and eventually close the sale at about 50CNY, or less.

Discounts are not as they first appear in China, be sure to clarify before you get too interested. An offer of 80% discount does not mean 80% off the original price; it means that you only need to pay 80% of the original price, (so 80% discount on a 100CNY item means the offer price is actually 80CNY; not 20CNY).

The big department stores are much as you might expect to see in the West, the only difference is the way you pay for things. You are expected to choose whatever it is you want, then you are given a piece of paper and directed to go and pay for it at a centralised pay-point, then return with your receipt and hand it to the salesperson who will exchange your chit for your item. It beats me up; it is so inefficient and slow, but this is how it is done.

You must find a large supermarket and explore. Supermarkets say a lot about the people who live in the city, and can be very interesting to the curious Westerner. The first thing you will notice is the smell; a horrid sort of raw chicken / fish / fried-tofu smell which I find difficult to endure. The vegetable department offers a huge and varied range of fabulous fresh fruit and veg. There should be a section selling live fish, live toads, and live turtles all of which wear a sad expression that makes them look as if they are waiting to be taken home and eaten. If it is a fancy supermarket it will have a special section selling shark-fins, dried tropical fish, dried animal bones and dried sea-horses, as well as many other curiously horrible things.

Things to avoid buying in China will include bread, (they really haven't got the hang of making bread yet), and cheese, (in fact you would be lucky to find any cheese at all). And be choosy if you buy confectionary, try and buy big-name brands, (there have been some cases of candy-makers using very strange ingredients in an attempt to save money).

If you start to fill your basket prepare to have your choice scrutinised by passers-by curious to see what Westerners buy, if you want to impress them grab several large boxes of condoms, (which you can discard before you get to the check-out).

At the check-out have your money ready. Your total will be displayed on a little screen so you don't need to attempt communicating with the salesperson.

Boutiques are everywhere in city centres, and well worth a look. Many are small outlets for a niche factory which exports most of its fashion to the West. This means that not only can you buy excellent quality fashion, but you can BUY NEXT SEASON'S FASHION, worth remembering if you want to impress your friends back home.

Specialist shopping areas might be a street of dozens of shops all selling what appears to be the same things, for example a whole block of little shops just selling tea, or silk, or flowers, or pottery, or pets, whatever. It seems silly at first, but it does make it very simple to go and buy tea, (or whatever), because you have all the tea merchants in one place.

Other specialist centres may be like the Computer Market which would be one huge multi-level store filled to bursting with hundreds of little stores all selling something to do with computers – it makes comparison buying so much simpler, and of course you can negotiate great prices because each store competes directly with the next for your business.

You should also try and locate the local fashion market which will be much the same as the computer market, just hundreds of little clothes stores all I one vast complex. There may also be a shoe market, a flower market, a furniture market, an electrical market, a jewellery market, and the list goes on, and on, and on depending on the size of the city you are visiting.

 

For die hard shoppers there is nothing on earth to equal the shopping Hell which is YiWu city, Zhejiang . This little city is the biggest small commodities market in the world, truly unbelievable. I hate the place, having spent DAYS there sourcing this and that. Imagine the largest airport terminal building in the world, multiply that times fifty, and fill it with little specialist stores about the size of a small bathroom – people go in and never come out again. You could, (I have), spent days in just the jewellery section of the complex, and you won't even see the entirety of just that section, never mind the unending Aladdin's cave which is EVERYTHING ELSE. You name it, they probably have a thousand stores specialising in it at YiWu. I think you have to be female to appreciate it, and then expect her to experience some sort of shopping orgasm followed closely by physical and mental collapse. Tempted? Don't even think about it without a phone-interpreter to speak for you, or better still hire a by-your-side interpreter who knows YiWu, just for that day; seriously it is V-A-S-T.

 

At the night markets you will have the most fun, and here you can stock up with great little gifts and unique souvenirs

Here are a few of the not-so-genuine articles on sale at markets which you should be aware of:

•  Fakes. The Chinese EXCEL at fakes. They can fake a classic Van Gogh oil painting that will deceive an art expert; they can replicate every detail of a luxury brand wristwatch, the only giveaway being a price of about US$20.; they can recreate perfect 200 year old antiques with believable attention to wear, patina and discolouration. These fakes may have all the appearance of the genuine article, but don't insult your friends and family by passing off fakes as the real deal if you're bring back gifts, (they may decide to get it valued).

•  Illegal goodies. This covers some of the fakes mentioned above, however, more specifically these are usually Music CDs and Movie DVDs and computer software. You may be tempted to buy new release DVDs at about US$1 each, and many Western visitors do, but be warned: these pirate copies are illegal in China and you could find yourself in trouble with the Chinese police; often the copies are very poor quality; often they only play in Mandarin or Russian languages, and; naturally, they may not play on your regional DVD player when you get back home. Also bear in mind that importing pirated goods back home with you is illegal, and acting like a stupid foreigner will not work when your own Customs and Excise officers drag you kicking and screaming through the airport in front of your eagerly waiting wife and children, (or so I'm told).

•  ‘Fell off the back of a lorry' goods. In the markets you will be offered beautiful big-name designer handbags, belts, wallets, purses, coats, sweaters, shirts, underpants, (basically ANYTHING that is manufactured under license in Chinese factories). Often these will be the genuine article. For example take a Polo shirt: you will be offered this shirt which was manufactured in a licensed Polo factory, using Polo specified cloth and thread-count, Polo specified thread, Polo specified buttons, and Polo specified packaging; it is a genuine, (down to the perfect little logo and washing advice label), Polo shirt. So why is it selling at US$5 ? The answer is simple: Polo placed an order for [say] 20,000 shirts; the licensed Polo factory manufactured 30,000 shirts, (all of which Polo has paid for); the factory export the requested 20,000 shirts, and kept the extra 10,000 shirts, (which have cost them NOTHING to produce), and the factory managers will sell these for 100% clear profit.

•  Rejects. You will be offered a multitude of these near-perfect goodies in the markets. Many of these products should of course have been destroyed by the factory under the terms of their manufacturing licensing agreement. Whether it is fashion, leather goods, electronics or tools, be aware that it is selling at US$2 for a reason. You can be lucky and get some real gems, but double-check everything, discover the flaw for yourself, and if you are happy to make this compromise in quality, buy it.

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Security

My own experience is in the East of China, mainly in the cities, so I can't generalise my advice to all areas of this huge and diverse country.
In my own experience China is a safe place for foreigners to be. There are armies of police officers, as well as the army, and other authoritative personnel such as traffic-marshals, road-crossing marshals, as well as the less conspicuous security you don't see such as plain-clothed police and security cameras. They are everywhere, and if you don't believe me, just create an incident and watch them appear like magic.

The Chinese punish crimes by Chinese against foreigners quickly and severely; it is in their interests to be seen to act this way with criminals, and as a result you will find yourself generally well respected by people.

If you should happen to have an ‘experience' of any kind with security personnel there are one or two tips which might work in your favour:

As a foreigner in China you are being 'noticed'.
Your movements are being monitored, your phonecalls may be being monitored, your emails may be being monitored, your web-browsing may be being monitored. When you leave your hotel you can be tracked your entire journey by the comprehensive system of CCTVs.
You can consider this as effective for your own security, or you can consider this a rude imposition of your civil rights and privacy.

If you ignore this advice and make statements that conflict with the official line, you might find your emails take a very long time to come and go. Your phonecalls, texts and images will be recorded. You might have an 'incident' that requires you to leave for home earlier than planned. And you might have difficulties applying for your next visa.

General rule of thumb is to avoid any activities or conversations that might be at odds with the authorities.
Just respect the way things are in China. The vast majority of the population are very happy to let sleeping dogs lie, so don't rock the boat unless you're prepared for a little grief.

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Restaurants

My general rule of thumb is eat where the locals eat, even if this means walking past clean and respectable looking premises and entering something quite grotty.

Restaurants can be very posh with two uniformed staff whose sole purpose in life is to open the front doors, and a waiter for each individual guest, or; they can be someone's kitchen table by the roadside and the menu is whatever they can catch in the yard.
I know where my food comes from, but I couldn't help feeling sorry for ordering chicken at one of these humble eateries, and then having to watch as the poor fowl was chased and captured before disappearing noisily into my host's kitchen.

Similar situations may arise in a more respectable restaurant which at first appears to be a pet shop, however those lovely fish and crabs and toads and snakes are all on the menu and you are supposed to choose which one you want to sacrifice to satisfy your belly. (I can't recommend dog, I've never knowingly eaten dog, however I'm told it makes you sweat and is generally a winter dish.)

Here are a few useful points to remember when in a restaurant:

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Prostitutes

I must point out here that I am a simple honest Irish traveller, and do not have any experience in the field of paying for sex. However a few things have come to my attention over several years visiting China which you might find useful.

Homosexuality is not tolerated in China, so if that's your thing you're on your own. I'm sure there's something available for everyone, but it won't be listed in the Yellow Pages.

There are two common types of prostitute:

What you do is up to your own conscience and at the risk of your own personal safety and the possibility of nasty little rash.

As with sex workers the world over, most of these women work for a pimp.
They play on the fact that the mature Chinese female physique compares to that of a thin Western teenage girl - petite, small up top and small behind. Many Western men find this teenager appearance in a woman who want to exchange sexual pleasure for cash irresistible - it is perhaps their biggest selling point.

As with buying sex anywhere else in the world you are at risk of AIDS as well as the usual batch of STIs. You are also at risk of being mugged or robbed; locking yourself inside a private room with a complete stranger is a common cause of being caught with your pants down - put your valuables in the room safe before you risk becoming disdressed.

Most Chinese hotels, (although not so much in the posh hotels aimed at Westerners), will have lots of useful items beside your wash-hand basin: toothbrushes, soap, toothpaste, shampoo, razors, plain condoms, ribbed condoms, knobbly condoms, flavoured condoms, condoms with wiggly attachments, and even neatly packaged His & Hers pants and socks for when you're finished the business - how very thoughtful.

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Business Meetings

Doing business in China has many advantages, and many pitfalls.

A complete guide to doing business in China would be several volumes long: in a nutshell, without expert guidance expect MAJOR problems.
Your not in Kansas any more.

Business meetings are important, and frequent. And there are several cultural differences that you should familiarise yourself with.

Preparation:

• You must have an interpreter of your own, not a biased interpreting employee of your Chinese counterpart.
• Dress in a manner that reflects how your Chinese counterparts are dressed – if you dress like a bum you'll be treated like one.
• Leave plenty of time to get there, punctuality is good business manners that reflects respect and professionalism - in fact we often phone the manager's office just as we get to the factory gate, just to let him know we have arrived.

The introduction

• Begin your introduction with an exchange of business cards   – they love these things and you should show the same enthusiasm: offer yours with TWO HANDS, and accept theirs with TWO HANDS; then study the thing, even if it is all Mandarin squiggles, study it as if you have been handed a picture of their recently departed mother; and don't put it away, keep their card in front of you throughout the meeting, (do not put it in your pocket ESPECIALLY NOT YOUR BACK TROUSER POCKET this is an insult you will regret – meetings have ended abruptly after an innocent faux pas like this).
• Begin with praise, praise, praise. What a beautiful business card, what a fine office, lovely factory, wonderful manufactured goods – treat the situation like you are trying to impress your girlfriend's mother. DO NOT PRAISE THEIR BEAUTIFUL RECEPTIONIST; they will think that you are asking to have sex with her. The same applies if you are introduced to their wife – just don't go there, smile and say hello, no personal compliments, please.
• You may be ushered into a very elaborately decorated waiting room and offered copious amounts of tea by smiling girls. Whether you like tea or not, (I don't particularly), just say thank you and accept it, don't refuse it, just let it sit there if you don't want it.
• The same applies to cigarettes; expect to be offered enough to kill you – either smoke very slowly to avoid the next one, or very politely thank them and explain that you don't smoke. If you are a smoker and have a packet of your favourite brand in your pocket, be sure to share in return – they are smoking connoisseurs and will greatly appreciate a Western brand.
• If you have brought a gift for the owner or manager, realise that if they do not have to opportunity to return the gesture they will be embarrassed, this is ‘loss of face' – don't go there. The same applies if you want to reward some of their employees with gifts, it is rude to by-pass the management hierarchy, so make sure you have permission from the top first.
  

During your meeting

• If you ask a question to which you want an affirmative answer, and you get a boardroom table full of nodding smiling heads in response, this may just mean that they understand your argument, NOT that they agree with your proposal. Clarify everything.
• Face is very important to the Chinese. NEVER insult, or belittle, or make fun of, or scoff at your Chinese counterpart, especially not in front of his colleagues. If you do cause him to ‘lose face' consider your business relationship terminated. I once had a meeting with a businessman who was pirating my designs – the meeting ended with both sides agreeing to disagree; my partner gave the pirate a very cool handshake, but I refused to shake hands altogether and ignored his outstretched hand. This, in front of the owner of another factory and attending interpreters was a HUGE insult to the man, (more effective, and less exhausting, than beating seven bloody bells out of the crook).
• This may sound extreme, but it works for what I do:  write notes of everything that is discussed and agreed or disagreed during the course of your meeting; then pass your notes to your personal interpreter, (never theirs), and have it translated, (help your interpreter with this to ensure it is correct, draw pictures if it helps illustrate your changes, points, etc.); then have your Chinese counterpart read the translation; and both parties sign it, photocopy it, give them the copy and keep the original for yourself – I learned to do this the hard way, save yourself a lot of grief and make the time to do it, otherwise expect to age considerably by the frustration of wasted time.
• Don't forget to insist on deadlines. Remember that Chinese civilisation has remained unbroken for over five thousand years, if a relative time-scale is applied to your project you could be in for a long wait. Verbal guarantees are worthless; insist on financial penalties for late delivery.
• It pays to write Wethern's Law of Suspended Judgment across the top of your Filofax: Assumption is the mother of all Screw-Ups This law applies particularly to any assumptions you may have before, during, and after your Chinese boardroom meeting.

 

Lunch

One of the best things about doing business in China are the sumptuous   luncheon   banquets which they insist spoiling you with.

They will order all the food and drink, so don't worry about having to make menu decisions.
The table will be filled to overflowing with the most expensive local cuisine, and the drink will flow like the rain in Donegal.
Your host may raise a toast to you every three minutes, so go easy on how much you slurp; and if he raises his glass and says something that sounds like 'Gom-Buy' you are expected to empty your glass in one, followed by a satisfied gasp, (this may happen several times, so it may be wise to keep your glass less than half full if you can).
Much as these meals are a real treat, they can become tiresome if you are keen to get on with business, and often we will try to make appointments timed to avoid the necessity to join them for lunch. And even though you are the invited guest, attempt to pay the bill - they will refuse to allow you this honour, but your offer will be noted and appreciated.

Warning:

• Many successful or aspiring Chinese businessmen have two women: a respectable and presentable well-maintained wife at home, and one he keeps for having fun with. My personal rule of thumb on this matter is that if they are happy to cheat on their wife, you can bet your bottom dollar they'll have no hesitation cheating you in business.
• Beware of SHORT-SIGHTED Chinese business relationships. In my line of work, time and time [and time and time and time] again we come across this make a fast buck attitude. By this I mean that they will produce excellent samples, make wonderful promises, and dispatch a load of crap. In the West we expect to build on business, grow with our suppliers, and prosper symbiotically, but beware of the Chinese business owner who does not want your repeat business and only wants to take your money and run. Always use a reputable and experienced QC and sourcing agency, preferably one with Western partners so that Western standards are consistently applied and met.
• Quality Fade is a major problem, and one which you can only control by staying on top of your manufacturer constantly. We try to show our face every day that our client's production is happening at a factory – take a walk through the production line, check the back rooms for surplus stock, make sure that the highest standards are maintained, and ruthlessly reject everything that does not meet your highest standards of quality.
• Surplus stock is a very easy way for a factory to make a little extra pocket money. It's a genuine product, made to all the highest production standards, it even has authentic labeling, QC approval labels and genuine packaging – but the only connection with you is that you've paid for it. You order 5,000 items, and the factory manufactures 6,000 items – you receive your 5,000 items, and the factory sell the other 1,000 genuine items out the back door. The night markets are full of this stuff (you can get some great bargains). But the only way to prevent this dishonesty is to expect it, look for it, and enforce stringent spot-checks on your production. And when you do discover it happening, make merry hell – I promise you it will all have been a huge 'misunderstanding': "have another cigarette; lunch perhaps; what about a massage parlour?"

Tips to avoid potentially disastrous situations:
Use a reputable and experienced business management agency:

one with Western partners who understand your expected standards
one that can smell B.S. at a hundred paces
one that is intolerant of compromised quality
one that has a proven track record of stamping out illegal activities by unscrupulous factory managers
(That'll be us then.) (Other outsourcing agencies are available)

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Language

Grammatically, Chinese is really quite a simple language.
Its numbering system, dates and tenses are much simpler than European languages. But the spoken word is tonal, so that a slight variation of a vowel accent or an incorrect emphasis will completely change the meaning of a spoken word. To compound this difficulty in pronunciation there are wide regional variations in speech. Even a learned linguist can find themselves unable to make themselves understood; only a local can negotiate the language with confidence.
It would be easy to rely 100% on a phone-interpreter to speak for you, but you should try some Mandarin – after all the Chinese try [when they can] to speak English.

You can buy many great little pocket books with translated phrases, (my favourite is The Rough Guide version), but you can't keep taking a book out every time you want to communicate with someone, so here is the list of words which I use most often, (I know this because they are the only words I have written in my little pocketbook).
My phonetic translation is not like any other; I try and use common English words to formulate the Mandarin to try and get the sound right, so you might find this a little unusual:

Everywhere, all the time:

Hi – ‘Way' said very quickly
Hello/How are you? – ‘Knee-How'
Thank you – ‘She-She' will do, but you can elaborate to ‘She-She Neen'
Water – ‘Sh-Way'
Lager – ‘Pin-Joe'

Shopping:

How much money (does this cost) – Dow [sounds like cow] Sa Chien [end sounds like the name Ian], ‘Dow Sa Chien'
Too Expensive – ‘Tie Go'way La'
This (thing) – ‘T'suka'
That (thing) – ‘Naga'
I am lost – ‘Wow Me Low-La'

In a taxi:

Go Right – ‘Yo G'why'
Go Left – ‘Zo G'why'
Go Straight – ‘Eejit So'
Careful – ‘Shaow-Shing'
Wait here – ‘Deng Sha'
This will do – ‘Daow-La'

 

Numbers .

Once you learn 0 to 10 you can easily count to 99. This is how I memorise 0 to 10:

0 – Ling (rhymes with ‘nothing')
1 – E
2 – R (like an Irish ‘R', not a polite English one, R as in ‘arse'), (just think of the first two numbers as an emergency: ER. Or the 1st British Royal: ER)
3 – San
4 – Sir (again think of 3,4 together, San, Sir, sounds like ‘censor')
5 – Wu (rhymes with ‘cockadoodle-do', a word with 5 syllables)
6 – LeO (think of Leo the lion, think of a pride of six lions, and their tails are the top part of the 6)
7 – Chee (sounds like the first part of the word 'cheese', so visualise a circle of cheese sliced into segments shaped like 7)
8 – Ba (think of a sheep shaped like 8, the top circle is the head and the bottom circle is the body, the sheep says ‘baa')
9 – GeO (sound like 'Joe' accentuating the 'J', but I think of geography, ninth period of school)
10 – Sure [said very quick] (sure, this is 10)

11 to 19 are spoken as above as: 10-1, 10-2, 10-3, etc, so that 13 sounds like ‘Sure-San'

20 to 29 are spoken as above as 2-10, 2-10-1, 2-10-2, 2-10-3, etc, so that 25 sounds like ‘R-Sure-Wu'

30 to 99 are the same format as the 20 to 29 formula, just prefix the 10 to make the 30, 40, 50, etc, and suffix that with the last digit to make 31, 42, 53, etc.
So 99 is 9-10-9 and sounds like ‘GeO-Sure-GeO'

100 is ‘E-Buy' [1-100], and you start all over again so that:
247 becomes ‘R-Buy - Sir-Sure – Chee' (2-00 – 4-10 – 7) Get it? Good; I'm going to stop now. I still have to work these larger numbers out in my head like algebra equations, but once you get the basics it really is so simple, (especially compared to something like French).
HOWEVER, for communicating large sequential numbers such as your hotel room number, which might be 2303, this is given in separate digits 2-3-0-3, so if you already know 0 - 10 you're fine.

You can also communicate numbers with your fingers, but I'm keeping this image-free so you'll need to research that system yourself.

Other Mandarin systems which are easier than European languages are:
Days of the week – day 1, day 2, day 3, etc.
Months of the year – month 1, month 2, you get the idea,…

And where we have a wine glass, beer mug, milk jug, tea pot, scrap bucket, etc, etc, the Mandarin says: container for wine, container for beer, container for tea, container for milk, container for scrap; which means that once you know the word for ‘container' you're half way there.

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Interpreters

I can't emphasise it enough, China is not just another foreign country, it is a whole new planet to us Westerners. Not until you get there will you realise just how alienated you really are; and without interpreters I promise you that you will be seriously restricted.

There are two types of reliable interpreting systems: by-your-side, and over-the-phone.

By-your-side interpreters are great, there is nothing to beat having your own personal guide to follow, however the cost is significant at about US$80 to US$150 per eight-hour day. I would recommend this if you are planning a special day away somewhere like a specialised shopping trip or a business meeting; in fact I would demand that you acquire your own independent by-your-side interpreter for any business meetings or factory inspections if this is what you're visiting for.

One drawback of by-your-side interpreters is that they are ‘by your side' all day long, invading your privacy, wanting fed, listening to everything, knowing almost everything about you. If you enjoy your own privacy, this system can be irritating.

Over-the-phone interpreters are indispensable, available to speak for you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days of the year. They are always available on your mobile-phone, ready to answer your call when you need them.
Over-the-phone interpreting is such a simple system for confidently surviving in China, and it is a system which is used by Westerners who live and work in China, (I know several American and European expats who have lived in China since the 1980's, and they still depend on phone interpreters for just getting about, even though their Mandarin is reasonably good; situations arise daily when only a natural-born Chinese linguist can help).
The system is child-simple: when you have a communication problem, simply speed-dial your service and your call is answered by a professional interpreter. You simply explain to the phone-interpreter what you want to communicate to the Chinese person you are with, then pass your phone to that person, and your phone-interpreter will speak for you and to you, sorting everything out for you.
Most of the time you will use your interpreter for simple questions and advice such as: telling your taxi driver where you want to go to; telling a shop assistant what size you wear; ordering your meal; finding your way about town; negotiating better bargains at the market; finding a bank or ATM; the list really is endless......

There are two ways phone-interpreter services are priced: by the second, or; by the day.

The by-the-second system is just like using your phone at home, except you pay a subscription in advance, and each time you call the interpreters you are charged about GB£0.80 (about US$1.20) per minute. When you use up all your credit you need to pay them more money to continue the service.

The by-the-day system is also paid in advance, but the big advantage for you is that you pay a flat-rate per day which will not vary, so that once you pay for it you can forget about additional demands for payment because there aren't any – it's a fixed budget which you know before you go. This system works out at about GB£5.50 (about US$7.20) per day, regardless of how often you use the service.

If you know enough Mandarin to do whatever you are going to China to do, then the by-the-second system will possibly be the more cost-effective option.
If your Mandarin, (like mine), is basic, (or less than basic, or non-existent), then I recommend the by-the-day flat-rate system.

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